Sweet
Started watching breaking bad and it’s the shitttt! I finally have peace. I’ve learned to accept her as a friend and am beginning to accept the fact that its better off if I move on. She’s great and I’d be very lucky to have her but I simply can’t and never will. This is the first night I haven’t gone to bed crying in weeks. Feels good to be free
Valentines day
Today marks my 8 year wedding anniversary. It’s a really low time in my life. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve seriously considered taking my own life. The only reason I’m not is because I’ve made promises to people that I’d stick around through thick and thin. Also my friends would be upset and it would be pretty shitty on my part to do that to them. The only reason I’m writing this is because I know that nobody will read it and I had to say something to someone. Even if it’s to myself.
Up all night
Tonight I slipped away from her earlier than I wanted to. Here it is 4 am and she just fell asleep and there’s nobody of rather be here with. I’m growing tired of not sharing my bed. The only girl I’d like to share it with is her and she’s a thousand miles away. I like how these things work out in my favor. But when all is said and done she’s so great to me. Difficult as hell sometimes, true. But I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. I love you Julia. Xo
Tuesday’s gone
I’m extremely worried about next week. It’s Valentines Day and also doubles as my wedding anniversary. She and I share no love but it’s sad to be reminded of a failed relationship. The girl I now give my heart too will most likely not be around for the event leaving me to ponder my options. Of all the 366 days this year this one day is when I will need her the most. Let’s see if she comes through for me. I am so ready to be in a better place with her. I’m in an extremely complicated situation but I have a lot of heart and drive and I’m going to see this through to the end. Good or bad.
